October 2021

October, 2021

lately I’ve been staying in a motel
under an assumed name
Smith to be exact
outside the honeysuckle grows
wildly by an abandoned tennis court
I read the police blotter
whose words arch obliquely
to distort the local magistrates son
propensity for pyrotechnics
I am dreaming of a tropical sunset
while the walls shade red from twilight sun
and infect the room
and contour to shadows
by an impossible suburb
I came here to find my 7th grade girlfriend
it’s the last mature relationship I have been in

I clearly needed to return my life
to a former order
I took to the yearbook for instructions
there was infinite space
for moments to shape
she taught at the local community college
all my dreams take place under the old order
I would meet her in the parking lot at three
getting a hard on
while imagining the white chalkboard outline
across her ass
I thought about it all morning
drinking margaritas with the maid
I also have been thinking
about something new to say
about our old grade school
& how I avoided God for 20 years
but my mind had a hard time processing
new ideas
it shorted out like weak radio signals
I have come too many times
to sad endings
and felt the time had come for my luck
to change
my mind was a ravine
slowly filling with ideas
& come on lines
while in line
for the vending machine
to get more ice
the maid had taken her shoes off
and laid back on the second bed
“you can’t be against forever,” she said
as I put a do not disturb sign on the door
the day was shaping up to be memorable
& when I saw her
her face had not aged a bit
after years of bitterly conjugated verbs
it was October 2021
and finally my time had come.