One of the greatest things I ever did in my life was write my own autobiography. Not to say as literature I feel it stands up there with the elite but for me it said what I wanted and I sat and faced everything in my life. Everyone has a degree of narcissism and objectivity is hard and I admit that I have not lived an exemplary life. I never failed my daughter. I had failed my wife at the time when I was married which in turn effected the ability to offer my daughter a cohesive family under one roof but that is the only time.
This year I know I have improved myself. I never touched a drug. I curbed drinking and did not turn to it when things got tough. I tried very hard to be good and that's not to say perfect.
I met a women whom I thought I would marry for the first time. I also thought I found what makes relationships work ultimately- you do not ever quit. When I look back on my relationships I am always the one to make the decision to leave. This time I did not. It is how I am a successful father.
I honestly believe ultimately things did not work out for me not even because of me but maybe because the women did not love me enough or had issues from long before I ever came along. Of course there is always sadness even if you are the one to pull away first but this time I felt something that I have never felt before and that is pride. I did not quit. I was not the one to walk away or I never cheated. I always said I forgive you because I love you, what more can you ask for?
Their is sadness but there is also the belief that the other person ultimately did not mean their words when they said I would marry you. I know the weight of those words and what they mean because I failed before. This time I did not fail. I was failed or maybe they just did not know what they wanted.
I know what I want and what I will stand for and what I will take in stride. Confidence and self belief are two things that came to me way later in life but I am thankful to have them now.
Bring on tomorrow I can not wait to see what you bring.
